“Unanswered Prayers”

By: Laura Tucker

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Disclaimer: I do not own anything vaguely connected to “The Sentinel” including its characters. They are owned by Paramount and Pet Fly Productions.

Author’s note: This is the sequel that you all asked for. I wrote “Faith” thinking about continuing but not knowing what direction to take it in. I got more e-mail than I thought possible about my first story and everyone wanted to know what happened to the boys after Sandburg comes home. Well, Friday after forensics class, I heard a song on someone’s radio blaring out across campus and this piece just popped into my warped mind. This is unusual since I’m SO not a country fan but this song just stuck in my brain.

It’s also taking liberties about both characters belief in God without getting too in depth about it. Hope you enjoy.

P.S. My thanks to Garth Brooks for letting me rip off some of his lyrics.

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Cascade General Hospital-3:25 pm

Blair Sandburg sat on the edge of the hospital bed, fully dressed, waiting for his partner to arrive. Today was the big day. After two weeks in the hospital, they were finally letting him go home.

Home. The word had taken on a whole new meaning to him since he had moved into the Loft.

Naomi had always told him that home was wherever you were at the moment but he had always felt as if a piece were missing from his life. He longed for permanence. Incredibly, he had found that in James Ellison.

Over the last couple of years, he had found that his mother was wrong.

Home wasn’t where you were but who you had waiting for you when you got there. He had learned home wasn’t really a place at all but a feeling.

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Just outside the door, Ellison paused, taking a deep breath and willing himself to relax. Things were going well with Sandburg’s therapy for the compound fracture he’d suffered. No one had expected him to live but he had surprised them all.

Even though he’d lost his eye and was partially deaf, things could have been much worse. He could have died out there in that cold warehouse at the hands of crazed psychopath, David Hamilton. Blair had fought hard to stay alive and every day he had gotten stronger.

Turning the handle on the hospital door as quietly as possible in case his partner was asleep, Jim crept into the room.

He shouldn’t have bothered; Blair was in his arms in an instant, grinning from ear to ear.

“I was beginning to think you weren’t coming.”

Jim laughed, patting his partner on the back and hugging him gently before pushing him back onto the bed.

“Man, you are so late.”

“Sorry kid. Traffic’s a real bitch today. I had to run a few last minute errands and everything was moving at a snail’s pace the whole way.”

“I can’t wait to get out of here.”

Sitting down beside him, Jim bent slightly so he could get Blair’s attention.

“Chief…. the only reason the doctor decided to spring you early is because I promised him that I’d watch you like a hawk. You need anything, you ask me. Don’t try and do it on your own, okay?”

Blair nodded.

“I had a hospital bed put downstairs and Simon’s letting me take my vacation early this year. Forget study groups and work.”

“But Jim….”

“No Sandburg. The doctor’s orders are clear. No eyestrain, no exertion and above all, no work. Understand?”

“Yeah.”

Reaching over, Jim lightly cuffed him on the arm.

“I mean it Chief.”

“Okay, okay man. I get it. No work.” Blair laughed.

“That’s right. No work.”

Both men looked up as an orderly came in pushing a wheelchair.

“Mr. Sandburg, your chariot awaits.”

Getting up, Jim helped Blair into the chair and tucked a throw around him that he’d brought from home.

“I’ll just swing Mr. Sandburg by the pharmacy to pick up his prescriptions. They’re already filled, he just needs to sign and we’ll meet you at the main entrance.”

“I’ll go pull the truck up front. See you in a few minutes Chief.”

Ellison turned to go but as he did, he heard Sandburg’s heart beat soar.

“Blair?” He came back over to kneel by his friend, concerned. “What’s wrong?”

Sandburg dropped his eyes, a tear spilling from underneath the dark lashes to run down his cheek.

Suddenly understanding, Ellison looked up at the orderly standing beside the wheelchair.

“Give us a couple minutes?”

The orderly nodded. “How about if I go to the pharmacy and pick up the meds and I’ll bring them back here. He can sign and then we’ll all go down together.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Smiling kindly, the orderly left as Jim turned his attention back to his partner.

Taking Sandburg into his arms and tucking Blair’s head under his chin, Jim held his trembling friend against him.

“I’m sorry.” Blair sobbed into his shoulder.

Jim kissed the top of the younger man’s head, hugging him closer still.

“Nothing to be sorry for Chief…. nothing at all.”

They sat that way for quite some time until Sandburg lifted his head and pulled back slightly, looking into his partner’s eyes.

“I’m scared Jim.”

He took Sandburg’s hand in his as he sat down beside the wheelchair.

“I know you are Blair, but it’ll get better.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” Jim smiled. “It’ll take time but it will get better and I’ll be right here beside you the whole time. Anytime you need to talk, scream, cry, whatever …. I’m here Blair. Just remember that.”

Sandburg smiled, nodding shyly, wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve. “Thanks Jim.”

Sandburg jumped slightly as the orderly knocked. Jim squeezed his hand, then releasing it, got up from his side and walked over to the door.

“Got your stuff right here Mr. Sandburg. Just need you to sign and then we can go.” Walking over, he bent down so Blair could sign for the prescriptions.

“Detective Ellison, I was thinking since my hands are full, maybe you could take Mr. Sandburg down. Can’t very well carry this stuff and push at the same time can I?”

Jim smiled gratefully at the other man. “I’d be happy to help. Ready to go home Blair?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Maybe we can get you home and tucked in before dark, Chief.”

Blair pointed toward the door. “Home James,” he said smiling. “Man, I’ve always wanted to say that.”

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The Loft-5:25 pm

Within minutes of getting settled in, Blair had fallen asleep, his left leg resting on several large pillows.

Jim pulled his recliner up beside the bed and laid back. He hadn’t realized just how exhausted he was himself until this very moment. He set the alarm on his watch for 8 pm so he could check on his partner and give him his scheduled medication.

He quickly drifted off, being comforted by the steady cadence of his guide’s heartbeat close by and in sync with his own.

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A few minutes before his alarm was due to sound, a quiet moaning coming from his partner awakened him. Running his hand over his face, he quickly sat up, flipping on the small lamp he had positioned on the end table by the bed.

“Blair…you okay?”

“Jim?”

“Yeah buddy…I’m right here. What’s wrong?””

Getting up, Ellison lowered the rail on the hospital bed and sat beside his partner.

“Hurts.”

“Where do you hurt?”

Blair winced in pain as he squinted up at Jim.

“My head.”

Jim laid his hand on Blair’s forehead, careful of the white bandage held firmly in place at his temple and the other still covering his eye.

“Just relax. I’ll go get you some water and you can take your pills. I’d have had to wake you in 15 minutes anyway.”

Blair tried to move his head but found the effort only made him nauseous. Jim held him firmly against the bed.

“Lay still Blair…don’t try moving around. I’ll be right back.”

Ellison quickly grabbed the hospital washbasin, filling it with cool water and throwing in a couple of washcloths. Hurrying back into the living room, he sat his supplies on the end table by Sandburg’s pills and began wringing out a washcloth just as Blair started to retch. Sliding in beside his friend, he quickly pulled him into his lap, leaning him forward and holding his hair back.

“Easy kid. It’s all right. Just let it come up, you’ll feel better.”

Jim continued talking quietly to his partner, rubbing his back until the worst had past. Then leaning against the headboard, he pulled Blair to his chest, gently running the cool cloth over his face and neck.

“Easy. Easy now…you’re okay.”

Even though he was still trembling, Jim could feel Blair beginning to relax against him.

“You’re okay Chief.”

Blair lifted his head slowly and met his partner’s worried gaze.

“Oh man…Jim, I am so sorry.”

“Hey…nothing to be sorry for. Just lay back. I got ya.”

He continued to hold his partner until Blair’s breathing had evened out.

“How about we get you over to the couch for a few minutes while I clean this up, huh?”

Jim scooted over to the edge of the bed, pulling Blair into his arms, effortlessly carrying him over the sofa and laying him down gently. Ripping the old throw from the back of the loveseat, he shook it lightly and then bundled it around his partner.

“Just relax for a second. I’ll go get your pills.”

Blair nodded slightly, not daring much movement at the moment.

Ellison soon returned with Blair’s pills, a glass of water and the washcloth, kneeling down beside the couch.

“Think you can keep these down?”

“I’m feelin’ better. I just don’t want to move too much right now. My head really hurts.”

Ellison handed the pills to Blair.

“Don’t even think about not taking them Chief. You need everything they’re giving you right now to get better and it’s my responsibility to see you take them.”

Sandburg swallowed them all and lay back against the couch.

“Be okay until I get the bed taken care of?”

“Yeah.”

Picking up the washcloth, Jim laid it across Blair’s forehead.

“Just stay right here. It won’t take me long.”

As Jim busied himself getting the soiled sheets from the bed and down to the laundry room, Blair fell into a light sleep feeling warm and loved.

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As time passed, the two settled into a comfortable routine.

Blair had taken a medical withdrawal from the University and began tutoring from home. Jim decided upon desk duty, only going out when absolutely necessary and only with Simon to accompany him. Not what Jim would have chosen if given options but it did a great deal to ease his partner’s mind and in doing so eased his own.

Blair seemed to be recovering quickly. He woke before Jim in the morning and had breakfast ready to send his partner off for the day. They traded quips and their usual back and forth joking came easily. For the first time in several years, Ellison had a 9 to 5 job, getting home before rush hour traffic hit. He had to admit, walking in the door to the aroma of fresh herbs wafting through the living room to a relaxed Blair had to be closest thing to heaven on earth as he could ever imagine.

Maybe desk duty wasn’t so bad after all, Jim thought as he wandered from the elevator to the front door of the apartment.

Simon had given him the afternoon off, so he had stopped to pick up a fresh loaf of the cheddar whole wheat bread Blair liked so much from the little organic bakery across town.

As he walked to the door, the smell of fresh lasagna assaulted his senses and he inhaled deeply, just enjoying the aroma. Walking in, he hung his coat up on the rack and walked toward the kitchen, looking for his partner.

That’s when he heard the sound coming from Blair’s bedroom.

Not bothering to knock, Jim opened the door to find Blair lying on his stomach, head pillowed on his arms, silently crying.

Moving over to the bed, Jim sat down beside his friend, laying one hand on his back and laying the other gently on his head, tangling his hand slightly in Blair’s curls.

“Blair…what’s wrong?”

Without looking up, Blair spoke, his voice trembling. “Your home early.”

“Yeah. Simon let me have the afternoon off. I stopped and picked up some of the bread you like so much from the Great Harvest. Thought I’d surprise you.”

Blair was silent.

“What’s going on?”

Getting no response, Jim leaned over and gently rolled his partner over onto his back. Blair’s face was red and tears were still visible on his cheek.

“Blair, talk to me. Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it. Just don’t shut me out.”

“It’s not important Jim.”

Sandburg looked down, unable to meet his partner’s eyes.

Taking Blair’s hand, he pulled him up and onto the edge of the bed, putting his arm lightly around the smaller man’s still trembling shoulders.

“It’s important to me, kid.”

Blair bit down on his bottom lip, determined to stop crying.

“How about you go get washed up while I put some tea on and I’ll meet you on the couch.”

Blair nodded, not trusting his voice.

Ellison tightened the hold briefly on his partner’s shoulders before releasing him and going into the kitchen.

Blair shuffled off to the bathroom only to emerge a few minutes later, to Jim already seated on the couch, tea in hand and quiet music playing on the stereo.

Sitting down close to his friend, Blair reached out and laid his hand on Jim’s leg, not looking up.

“I’m okay.”

“That’s why you were crying in your bedroom…because you’re okay?”

“Sometimes, I just start thinking how things would have been different. I mean, you’re stuck behind a desk most of the time and when you’re out in the field, I worry all the time about you zoning…”

“Simon’s there.”

“Yeah. I know but I still worry and…” Sandburg hesitated, shaking his head.

“And you’re not there.” Jim finished.

Blair looked up then, seeing a smile on his partner’s face and smiled back.

“Yeah..I’m not there.”

“I miss having you there too, Chief.”

“I know, but…”

“Blair. I know there’s more to it than that. I mean,…I know that’s a big part of it but there’s something your not telling me.”

Blair pushed himself back further on the couch, and sitting his cup down, Jim did the same as he scooted in closer to his partner.

“We never talked much about what happened while I was in the warehouse.”

Jim nodded, somehow dreading the conversation, as if talking about it would bring it to life again. He was sure Sandburg was feeling the same thing.

“I try not to think about it. I know Hamilton’s dead. I read the report but all I remember is the warehouse and what he did. Sometimes, I wake up and I see him bending over me, laughing at me. Saying those things about you deserting your men and how you were going to leave me too.”

“Blair,” Jim said quietly, “You know I’d never leave you.”

“I kept telling him that. I knew you’d come. I did Jim. I didn’t lose faith in you. I know you didn’t leave your men to die and I knew you wouldn’t leave me but I was so scared,…I mean…..”

Jim took his partner into his arms. “I know Blair. I know, but it’s over now. Your safe and your home.”

He couldn’t hold back the sobs any longer as he quietly buried his face in Jim’s shoulder. Jim rubbed his back as he clung to him desperately, fighting to keep his own emotions under control. He knew what Blair needed now was his strength right and his understanding.

Ellison held him closely for several more moments until Blair pulled away, leaning back once more against the couch.

“Jim…listen…I didn’t lose faith in you. I didn’t. I swear man,…but when he didn’t come back…I was so alone. I started to pray for it all to be over, ya know.”

Jim looked into his partner’s eyes.

“I hurt so bad Jim. I was scared and cold and I couldn’t think straight anymore. He didn’t come back and I kept thinking how much I just wanted for it to be over.” Blair bit his lip to hold in another sob.

“I just wanted everything to be over man. The cold, the aloneness, the pain….I just wanted it to be over.”

Blair wiped his face with the back of his sleeve and continued. “I’m not sure what I believe about God but I prayed to die. Just for him to take me. Have it all end right then and there and when he didn’t…I got angry, really angry at the injustice of it all. How could he let me suffer like that. What kind of God does that to someone. How could he leave me there all alone.”

Jim sat back by his partner, his hand picking up the smaller one lying by his.

“You were never alone Blair.”

Ellison took their intertwined hands and placed them over Sandburg’s heart.

“You were never alone because I was there too.”

Blair looked into his friend’s eyes, a smile touching the corners of his mouth.

“I guess God knew what he was doing after all.”

“Then why didn’t he answer?”

“Blair…sometimes God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.”

Sandburg just sat, unmoving, letting what Jim had said to him sink in.

Bending over slightly, he kissed Blair on the temple, keeping his hand in his and pulling him up from the couch.

“That’s lasagna I smell, right?”

“Yeah.” Blair smiled, following Jim into the kitchen, their hands still tightly clasped. “Couldn’t think of anything to make without going to the store.”

“Fresh Ricotta?”

“Yeah.”

“Fresh basil and oregano?”

“Yeah.” Blair smiled broadly as he sat down at the table, looking up his best friend standing by the oven.

“How about we eat and relax for the rest of the night. I think there’s a Jags game on t.v.”

“Sounds great.”

Jim smiled back, dishing the lasagna out on the plates, then setting the salads and wine out from the refrigerator, finally sitting down himself.

Ellison opened the bottle and poured them both a glass, holding his up to touch the side of his partners.

“To unanswered prayers.” They both said in unison.

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And in my universe, the boys lived happily ever after. Anymore that wants to get more out of this story can follow it through with my blessing. Otherwise, I’m done and thinking ahead to my next dues assignment.

Laura